


A Species of Inefficient Potatoes

by WhereDragonsSleep



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Adult Sothis (Fire Emblem), Background Claude/Lysithea, Body Worship, Byleth reads anatomy books, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, F/M, First Time, Goddess have mercy upon me, Human reproduction is dumb and sex is dumb and Sothis' body is dumb, Humour, Post-Coital Cuddling, Sothis with a body AU, Vaginal Fingering, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:15:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25110739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhereDragonsSleep/pseuds/WhereDragonsSleep
Summary: In her time with a new physical body, Sothis came to understand much of humanity's ways. One thing she could never understand, however, was how they reproduced. For a being who could create her own children with but a drop of blood and an hour to spare, the methods humans used and the time it took to create a baby that functioned more like a moving, crying vegetable for the first year of its life seemed torturous and unnecessary. During a discussion on the subject with Byleth, he offhandedly offered to help her explore at least the foundation of the process, and show why humans enjoyed it.
Relationships: My Unit | Byleth/Sothis
Comments: 8
Kudos: 60





	A Species of Inefficient Potatoes

_How odd this physical world is._

She had observed them, the humans, followers and nonbelievers alike, both through the eyes of one of their own in the form of Byleth, and now in her restored form, the descended goddess.

In time, she had come to appreciate and learn more of their customs, and how their bodies worked. Eating, sleeping, what they did for fun, all of these things she experienced for the first time again due to her memory loss. She got to feel the wind on her back, the sun on her skin, and everything that they perceived as normal.

Even experiencing breathing for the first time was something she could physically remember, unlike them, who had forgotten it along with most of their infant memories. The warmth of being embraced in her own body was as clear as day to her as well, as an engulfing feeling of closeness and comfort that she never experienced in her dream realm.

Nobody that she trusted enough to speak to about this could relate to her experiences. It was a lonely feeling. Not even Byleth could truly comprehend it, even if he had a similar case with his emotional suppression prior to her awakening.

But dwelling on such things would not bring her closer to fulfilling her own goals, an echo of a past desire to create and guide. She remembered that, using her blood to create her children. Like forming shapes with clay she created their crest stones, one by one, and let life grow from them.

That was how she reproduced. Simple and efficient.

What she didn’t remember was how the humans reproduced, and she learned it in person by observing a couple who were close to Byleth.

It started with illness, she noticed the girl, Lysithea as she was called, expelling debris from her stomach. Vomiting, Byleth had called it. She seemed somewhat unphased about it.

“I’ve been through worse.” She had said. Then she grew rounder as the months wore on. There was no other way to put it. Some humans were heftier than their brethren, but this was different. Ladies passed through the castle of Derdriu with the same affliction. Claude seemed happy, as did she. They shared closeness and affection.

And then the screaming started. One day, one of Sothis’ moments of repose on a balcony (or an afternoon nap, as Byleth had called them) was cut short by a sharp cry erupting from another room in the castle.

Being the protector and guider of humanity she was, she had gone to investigate, only to find a great number of people crowded around one of the guest rooms. They didn’t seem concerned, just intrigued by what had been going on. By listening, the goddess learned that this was childbirth for humans. They had to push the child out of their body, slowly and painfully.

What sick being had orchestrated this? It was enough that she had to expel waste through her body, never mind a large, solid being! It had lasted for hours, the painful process being audible to all in the corridor and its surrounding areas. Byleth had even joined them out of curiosity and sat next to her.

When it was finally over and she heard the cry of a child, Claude had been let in, then after a few minutes, herself and Byleth were permitted entry.

She could not believe what she saw. The white haired girl laid in the bed, Claude and a maid next to them, holding… something. Sothis was no stranger to human children, but she had seen nothing like this in the past year that she had been here, that or she was just inobservant, which was almost impossible.

Byleth had noticed her shocked expression, and tapped her shoulder. She had looked between him and the crying bundle, then bluntly stated to his great amusement. “It’s a... noisy... potato.”  
She immediately regretted it, for she didn’t know if he would let her live that one down.

But then, her first experience with a newborn begged the question, why did the humans do it so much differently? It required two individuals, was a messy experience, and then it took almost a year for the child to be created. Even then it was barely functioning! At most, her method took a few hours, and the child could walk and talk!

Their method was dangerous, too, for diseases could be spread, and the child left the mother vulnerable for the entire time she ‘carried’ it. Birthing for humans even posed a life risk for the mother which seemed inconceivable to the practically immortal goddess.

According to Byleth that was simply how their bodies worked, but also that some found it to be a fulfilling experience. She felt nothing but pity for them at that, why hadn’t they found a way to do it differently at this point? Was she really the guide of a species that had a chance of killing itself by trying to procreate?

She ruminated on it, like she occasionally did with her own existence. The whole idea just confounded her. The goddess knew about the idea of working hard and suffering made finally acquiring or completing something more satisfying, but when there was a clearly easier option available, the idea of suffering to bring a child into the world was quite laughable. Instead of glorifying this self-sacrificing method, they should have been working on making it easier.

And that brought her to her current moment. Again, she had sparked a debate about it with Byleth, who finally seemed to give some kind of a solid answer beyond humanity being irreparably blind and wallowing in their own suffering.

“From what I heard, it was Rhea that stopped technology from advancing. Supposedly it was to prevent a repeat of Agartha? You’re better off asking Seteth about that. Claude’s going to start fixing it though. We’re getting some scientists in from places like Morfis.” He lounged on the bed, utterly nonchalant about the fact that his species was somewhat incompetent at one of the factors that allowed a species to be considered living.

But then he rolled over and looked at her, a slightly annoyed look on his face. “Why does this bother you so much? It’s just a part of us. Surely as our ‘guardian’ you would have come to understand that and just accepted it by now. Actually, why are you even asking me? I don’t have to deal with any of that and I don’t have experience in helping others deal with it. Neither do you, since you brag so much about being able to create children from your own blood which sounds just as messy as how we do it.”

She blinked in response, then frowned. He was technically right, but… “As your guardian I should have an opinion in how you choose to recklessly endanger yourselves!”

Sothis heard his exhale from across the room. She was not sure if this was amusement or irritation. “Sothis, please tell me why you’re asking me about this.”

“It is because you answer all of my questions, does this not suit you?” Her ears flicked in indignance for just a second.

“No, not when I’m not the one who gives birth.”

“But you are involved with the process, as two are required ‘have sex’ in order to conceive! Speaking of that, I’ve heard people hoping they or their partner are not burdened with a child after mating. What is the draw of such an act if not for the expressed purpose of procreation? It sounds uncomfortable.”

He chuckled at that, puzzling the Goddess. “People do it for fun, it’s actually not all that uncomfortable unless you’re doing something wrong, rather, it’s enjoyable… at least from what I’ve heard”

That caused the goddess to pause and slightly reconsider her stance on that specific section of her argument. He continued. “Some couples do it to relieve stress, others do it to show affection and trust. I don’t have any experience with it though, so if you want me to demonstrate, then all I can do is improvise with the theory that I know.”

“I- Wh- No!” She spluttered at his last comment, drawing a look of concern from her partner. “Why are you assuming I would want you to partake in what I have just been pointing out the faults of?”  
Byleth put his hands up in a defensive manner, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then what else could you have possibly meant?” Evidently, her question and look of mild irritation caused him to question what he had just said, and a look of realisation dawned upon his face.

“I spoke without thinking of what I was saying. I’m sorry.” She softened her expression as he apologised. It was not her intention to make him feel negatively about himself for speaking too quickly, so the least she could do was offer him a kind look. He quickly followed her gesture by opening his mouth again “Can I ask you a question?”

Raising an eyebrow, she motioned for him to continue. Byleth held his tongue as he seemed to ponder what it was he was going to say this time. “Since you… don’t seem to care at all for sex, does your body just not feel any arousal? Before you woke up, I couldn’t have cared less about it, but that had to do with my emotions as well.”

“Arousal? But I am awake, is that not what that means?” She looked at him, confused by what he meant by this secretive ‘arousal’ that humans supposedly felt and was related to their inane method of reproduction. He just stifled a laugh in response. Her pointed ear flicked in indignation. “What does it mean, then, if not awakening?”

“I wouldn’t know how best to describe it to you since it works differently for women, it’s just how our bodies get ready for sexual activity. Have you ever felt warm for no reason that you can think of, or just an annoying heat in your pelvic area? I guess that’s something both genders share.”

Sothis thought for a moment, then recalled a faint memory where she did indeed feel that way as she was held close by him directly after he had sparred with that other lord with the purple hair, Lorenz, as he was called. The smell couldn’t be called a truly pleasant one, but it was so distinctly him, and the way his hair clung to his face… his deep, heaving breaths and determined gaze.

Sothis would have been lying to herself if she said she did not consider him strikingly beautiful in that moment, enough so to stir a physical reaction from her that she did not understand at the time.

But now she did, and in a way, she hated it, for it meant that even she could fall victim to her humanoid body’s ridiculous year long potato-child making trap.

Her face turned red at the memory and realisation, and she solemnly nodded. “Yes. I have felt it before. What is it that you wish to do with this information?”

“Nothing, unless you want me to do something with it. I could try and demonstrate what I meant by sex being enjoyable-” she fired him a warning look, “-by worshipping your body to give you pleasure.”

_What?_

Again, she was caught off guard by his phrasing, although this time she was more curious than affronted like she was before. He would worship her? Didn’t he already do that, in a way?

When the goddess thought about it, most of her ire was drawn to the inefficient incubation of human infants and well as the painful birthing process. Her thoughts on the idea of mating were more favourable, but still mostly within the realm of ‘Why?’.

That was her question, now, and she had a way to answer it… Internally, her pride screamed at her to not lower herself to undergo such an act, but at the same time, it was fainter than it had been before as she gazed upon him. He seemed so sincere, so loving…

If this ritual that the humans undertook could be honed into a tool that could bring her even closer to him, she could see the value in at least trying it, so Sothis stood after contemplating the matter and began to approach him. “I will… attempt this, to see all of the good it will do.”

“Really? I-” he seemed surprised that she actually wanted to go through with it, but recovered his calm demeanour soon after. “If you don’t like it, just tell me to stop. I swear on my life that I will, or the Goddess will smite me down herself.” His smile returned as he injected just a little bit of joviality into the scene once more, and he reached out his hand to her.

The levity was lost on her, however, as Sothis continued to tentatively walk to him. When in reach, she took his hand and brought it up to her chest to cradle it. Looking down, Sothis noticed the distinctive glint of a ring around his finger, their ring, still on his hand since she had told him to leave it there.

She sighed softly, the fond memory continuing to soften her demeanour. “Then begin.”

He pushed himself upright and reached out his other hand to her shoulder, whereupon he practically dragged her across the bed into his arms. At first she snarled in shock at being dragged, but immediately stopped as she knew what he was doing. A... particular weakness of hers, she would admit to herself as she let herself settle into his embrace.

As she normally did when he cradled her like this, Sothis buried her face into the black and grey cloth covering his chest. She smiled contentedly as she listened to the steady thrum of the Crest Stone that she had crafted to replace hers when it was promptly ripped out of his body during her rebirth.

She considered him a human, but the features given to him by her powers rendered him something different, much like her children. The softly growing green hair and eyes, increased healing capabilities, his own crest stone in place of where a human heart was...

The goddess let out a huff of satisfaction, simply relishing in the moment. Everything around her was mere background noise to the lulling sound of her own handiwork.

Even her anger from earlier at humanity’s self-sacrificing nature was almost completely dashed from her mind as he used his hand to angle her head in a way that allowed him to easily kiss her. It was a sweet kiss, slow and gentle, unlike the quick and oftentimes frantic ones the two shared during the day when he was busy helping Claude run both Fodlan and Almyra.

So far, she felt little, just a comforting connection that the two occasionally shared like this. It was less than what they once had when she existed within his own head, but it was still something enjoyable. The feeling of touch had been one she was foreign to in her dream realm, only drawing upon ghosts of memories to form any understanding of it. The idea of sleeping on a stone chair today made her back ache.

In time with her thoughts, she felt Byleth’s hand slide down her back and pull her tight against his own body, then travel back up. With the exception of using his hand to pull her even closer again, he continued to repeat the gesture.

It was nice. She could even call it comforting as she pulled herself away from the kiss to rest her head upon the armour plating of his shoulder… but then he kept doing it, and Sothis still felt nothing beyond a comfort that was slowly growing into something more resembling awkwardness.

At the very least, Byleth interrupted it by whispering softly into her ear, “How is this?”

“I’m sorry, Byleth, but unless your mission is to lull me to sleep, you are not succeeding.” That sounded a lot more cutting than Sothis had intended it to be, so she quickly interjected with a second comment. “It is enjoyable otherwise, however I am not feeling any of this arousal as you described it to me.”

“Oh…” he stopped. “Then I must try something else.”

Sothis turned her head so she could eye him curiously. She was met with him suddenly pulling her into a cradling embrace with her face gently pressed against the front of his shoulder. She let out a quiet yelp of surprise at that.

The other hand, which had been stroking her back, pulled at the hood of her robe until her neck was completely uncovered. “What are you-”

“Relax.” he interrupted her, stroking her hair softly. Then he leant in and laid a delicate kiss upon the exposed skin. A small prickling sensation ran down her spine, and it remained doing so upon the small area of skin where he had performed the gesture.

An involuntary shiver encompassed her body, prompting him to do it again. Again, the sensation ran down her spine, stronger this time. She heard him chuckle as a soft gasp escaped her throat this time, causing heat to flush over her face. “Wh-what is this? How are you doing that?”

“I had to learn about anatomy at Garreg Mach to learn the strengths and weaknesses of the human body. It just so happens that the books on those subjects also seemed to include more ‘sensitive’ regions. The neck is part-” He paused to happily explain what he was doing, and while Sothis appreciated the knowledge, she found that he was probably going to go on about it.

Getting payback for his interruption of her earlier, she interjected. “Stop. Stop talking, I understand now. My, my, you are much more talkative than you used to- aah..” he silenced her in return, leaning back down to layer her neck with more kisses, and even soft bites as he grazed her neck with his teeth.

She felt it then, the deep warmth that swam in her lower body amongst the tingling feeling along her spine. Her crest stone pulsed in time with his ministrations and she grabbed the front of his grey tunic and the long, black cloak-like coat on his back, balling the fabric in her fist.

He stopped again and spoke to her, his tone amused. “Are you enjoying that?” With half of her face obscured by his clothes, she nodded, her face still red. Sothis could see Byleth grinning smugly, and her ears drooped in embarrassment as she then buried her face into his shoulder.

His free hand came around to the side of her head and tried to coax her into coming out. She heard him ask, “Do you mind if I start to remove this?” and he patted her robe. Had it been anyone else, she would have been struck senseless by the audacity, no, she wouldn’t have let them even get to this point, but the point still stood. She turned her head around to look at him.

“No, I do not.” She did, for these robes were inconvenient to get on (less so than those that she wore in her dream realm, but they still took a while to dress herself with) but also because she had never exposed herself to anyone before.

She pulled away from him then, and he began to assist her in pulling her arms free from the large, airy sleeves. The goddess felt the former mercenary’s hands underneath the hem of her robe after that, swiftly drawing them up and over her head. The cool air that suddenly assaulted her body prompted her to try and cover herself with her arms.

She wasn’t fully bare, for she at least still had her undergarments, but she still felt exposed and vulnerable. Byleth’s eyes scanned her for a moment, then his smile returned. “To think that I am the only one who would get to see you like this.”

“Indeed, you should be grateful.” She muttered, avoiding his eyes as she found a very interesting crack in the stone bricks that made up the exterior wall of the room. Of course he was the only one, they were united in love, were they not?

Cutting across her sight was the coat he normally wore being thrown off the bed. Sothis wheeled her gaze around to see him removing all of the clothes on his upper body, as well as his boots and the one plate he wore on his knee. Maybe he was trying to make her feel more confident by exposing himself as well? Strange mortals.

He then took hold of her hand, pulling her in close again so she was flush against his chest. “I am, my goddess.” Her crest stone pulsed at her title being used in a situation like this, and she opened her mouth to respond. Instead, she felt his lips press against her own once again, more forceful this time.

She let him guide it as she wrapped her arms around his body. It proved to be a satisfactory replacement for her robes as his body heat easily chased away the cold that began to encroach on her. His hands explored the new, pale skin that she had only just allowed him to see, further exacerbating the growing discomfort in her core.

When he inevitably pulled away from the kiss, he smiled and quickly planted one on her forehead, below the front of her headdress. “I am grateful that I can now worship you in a way unlike any other.” A kiss on her cheek, then he leaned down so he could have access to her neck again.

Byleth assaulted the sensitive skin again, satisfying Sothis enough that she happily leaned into it. She felt his hands under her arms, then a sudden sense of weightlessness as he lifted her into the air so he could turn her around on the bed and lay her down.

“I’ll need to remove this for now. Is that okay?” he hooked a finger underneath the strap of her breastplate, a single remnant of her former outfit from the dream realm. Loved him or not, had Sothis not already thrown her pride out the window by agreeing to this, she would have slapped it away. Instead she crossed her arms across her stomach and nodded, closing her eyes as she felt it snap apart behind her and pull away. Byleth was silent then, save for the breaths she could hear.

Was he not going to say anything when she further stripped herself down in front of him?

Then his voice cut through the air.

“It wouldn’t do well to not treat you with the proper respect you deserve, would it?” She opened her eyes to see him sitting above her. He placed one hand on her stomach and gently rubbed it. Her eyes narrowed.

_What is he doing?_

His hand moved up to one of her breasts, where he took hold and gave it one quick squeeze.

“Boop.”

Sothis stared blankly at him, and he looked back with what could only be described as a shit-eating grin. Her face burned brightly at the action before she looked away in embarrassment, covering her face.

_That little, childish- aughhhh!_

She heard him start to laugh behind her, only exacerbating her embarrassment. That being said, she couldn’t help but find it a little endearing.

“I’m sorry.” he ran a hand along her shoulder, his voice still full of mirth. She knew he wasn’t sorry. He fully intended to do that and got enjoyment out of it. “I’ll continue now.”

“Very well.” she grumbled, but then she felt him lean his body down to hers again and that anger seemingly melted away with the warmth he provided. She felt him planting soft kisses along her collar bone, so she craned her head around to look at him, only seeing a head of green hair before her. It was not as sensitive as her neck had been, but it at least added to the building heat and desire in her stomach.

Byleth travelled further down and proceeded to lick over one of her nipples with a flattened tongue. She smiled softly as the tingling feeling returned to her skin. He did it again, this time pointing his tongue and playing softly with the flesh before suddenly latching on and beginning to softly suck on it.

The sensation shocked Sothis, and she flinched, pressing her head against the pillow behind her. Byleth faltered for a moment, but quickly returned to what he had been doing, spurring gentle moans from Sothis as she brought both hands up to the back of his head.

Sometimes he lifted his head away, often murmuring compliments to her in those moments as he moved to kiss other sections of her body before either switching to the other breast or returning to the first one. One in particular stuck out to her, however, as he moved back up to be in full view of her face.

“Such a kind and beautiful goddess, one that deserves all of the love and reverence she receives and more.” Even with her heavy lidded and unfocused eyes, she could see the faint redness that Byleth also now bore. She was… touched, such a sweet comment was rare, even from him as he preferred to show his affection physically.

_Such kindness should be rewarded._

And so, Sothis pushed herself up to him, crashing her lips against his in a dazed yet passionate show of gratitude. He accepted it happily and held her upright, the two now locked in a mess of red faces and soft laughter. She didn’t want that to end.  
Only his free hand running over her hip was enough to make her slightly break away from him to grant him permission to remove the last garment. Instead of fully removing it, however, she felt his hand slide under it towards her most private region. By this point, the heat in her core had twisted into a fire that was now further fuelled by his fingers fumbling around in her underwear.

One moment, they were slipping inside of her, stroking against the almost electrified walls of her genitalia. The goddess whimpered softly at the extremely sensitive area being stimulated, but that was nothing compared to the cry she let out when his thumb brushed against a nub that she had never actually noticed before.

“Are you-” he tried to ask, but she slammed her face haphazardly into his own in trying to resume the kiss. The mercenary took this as a good sign as she eventually managed to connect their lips together and continuously brushed his thumb over that exact spot.

Heat, a flame, then an inferno, Sothis’ legs involuntarily twitched as she was assaulted by pleasure caused by his manipulation of the hypersensitive spot. There was nothing within her memories that even came close to this physical sensation, and it only got worse (or should she say better?) the more he did it.

Opening her eyes, the goddess could see him watching her intently in the throes of pleasure, even as they held each other close. With one swift movement, she was pressed down onto the bed and left to practically mewl in desperation of release as it overwhelmed her senses.

“Byleth! I-I- I under-gah!” She bit down and hissed as it began to build up to a peak, then, right as he followed her down to press his forehead against hers, the pressure snapped and the pleasurable feelings that were once relegated to her groin and whatever areas he happened to be teasing at the time flooded the rest of her body. He withdrew his fingers as soon as he felt it happening and wiped it on the sheets.

Sothis, however, could do little but grab at the sheets and his arms, whimpering and panting heavily as the waves came and went, leaving little left but sleepiness and her skin slick with sweat despite the cool air.  
“Did I make a good case for mating?” He inquired, stroking her cheek with his clean hand.

She slowly nodded, “Was that all of it? I thought the male had to do something different.”

Her question was met with a soft laugh, “I just wanted to get you to understand why we find it a worthwhile thing to do. A lot of people just do it for enjoyment, and that is one way that it can be done without causing any risk of pregnancy. I shouldn’t indulge myself when this should be your experience.”

“...Thank you, Byleth.” She felt her crest stone briefly pulse warmth through his body. He had done it for her. Leaning her head in, she gave him a quick kiss, then settled her head back onto the bed.

She was the Goddess of Fodlan, and now she knew that sex was an enjoyable way to unwind with a partner, even if their birthing process was still a complete and utter mystery as to why it was somewhat enjoyable. A heavy thump next to her indicated that he had laid down, then he swiftly covered her with the bedsheets.

His strong arms brought her in, and he nuzzled his face into her hair and cheek. Sothis responded by sliding her arms under his neck and gently holding him, caressing his hair with his hand.

The golden light of evening filtered through the curtains of the bedroom, indicating it was likely a good time to sleep. She yawned softly, and snuggled up close to him. Without their clothes, he felt delightfully warm.

“I love you, Sothis.”

For the last time that night, her crest stone pulsed with love and appreciation.

“I love you too.”

When they woke up, Sothis knew one thing.

_Such kindness should be rewarded._

**Author's Note:**

> Some pure self indulgence on my end to get this idea out of my system, before I work on more serious works along the lines of Shattered Stones. Hopefully this is enjoyable to those who read it.
> 
> 02/01/2020 - Why is this my most popular work? I spent like 2-3 days on it.


End file.
